Saved?
by riverknowshisname
Summary: River is in the data core in the biggest Library in the universe. What is that like? (With bits of TNOTD - that I do not own! - thrown in) And what it was like after she said "Goodbye...Sweetie." This IS a ONE-SHOT.


"Saved?" River thought aloud. "The computer said saved."

As she scanned her surroundings she finally saw what being 'saved' meant. Beautiful land, beautiful home, wonderful weather. She'd even gotten some of her team back and it was an immeasurable blessing to have them around, but at the same time...it wasn't real, _she_ wasn't real. She was inside the computer now.

She walked around fields. The Doctor had fixed the data core so now nothing moved spastically anymore, like it had with Donna. No, now it was slow. It was like every other day. But this day, this particular day was the worst. This day was the day above all others - though all the others she hated as well - she wanted to spend with The Doctor. But that wouldn't happen. He wouldn't come. She knew that, but she couldn't help but wish it every year that he would put his pride aside and come to call...but he wouldn't. Not that he couldn't, but he wouldn't. He doesn't like endings.

So she passed the days, she spent time with her friends, and she watched after the children, but this was not home. This was not reality. This was not life. She almost would have preferred death to this, at least in death she wouldn't be pining for him day in and day out. Oh she had had a life aside from him that she enjoyed greatly, _but_ now she didn't have either. Now it was all one thing. One reality. One inescapable truth.

Oh it was certainly beautiful out, and the occasional conference call from Madame Vastra was wonderful, but it all came to an end here. She would always end up back here. Back in the data core. Back to living alone. She knew she hoped for too much, expected too much, longed for too much, but she couldn't help it. He was her husband and she missed him desperately. She missed the crazy chaotic life that they had together, she missed their adventures. She missed _him_.

With that she heard the jingle that usually signaled a meeting with Madame Vastra, what a joy it would be to see them again, to speak with them, to find out how he was doing...though their last few meetings had been utterly heartbreaking. They hadn't told her exactly what was going on with him, afraid it would cause her more stress than she needed, so River suffered through the worries of what might be happening, about how he might be reacting. She supposed it was probably a good thing that they hadn't told her anything, but every so often, she despised being in the dark.

With a poof of smoke, for dramatic effect, she was in the desktop with the rest of them.

"Madame Vastra," a smile escaped her lips.

"Professor," she answered in a sweet reply. "Help yourself to some tea."

Tea? Oh no, whatever this was she was going to need something a little stronger than tea. How about a bit of bubbly? _I do think I will._

"Why thank you," River said as she conjured up some champagne.

"How did you do that?" Jenny Flint asked in both awe.

"Disgracefully," she smiled. It was true. She shouldn't take advantage of the core like that, but sometimes she couldn't help it. And when she needed a drink, she needed a drink.

Looking around the room she noticed another face. A younger, pretty face. She had dark brown hair and was wearing a plaid so of dress, she too was drinking tea. But she had never seen her before...she had never been to these meetings. So who was this mysterious beauty seated beside her.

"Ah," Madame Vastra began noticing the look shared by the two women, "perhaps you two haven't met. This is The Doctor's companion - uh -"

"Companion"? Why had she said companion. Had he truly moved on? Had he found someone new? River tried not to get jealous, oh she'd met future and past travelers, but who was she and why had Madame Vastra said "companion"? She looked at her, mouth slightly agape uncertain of how to respond.

"That is -" Madame Vastra quickly added, "his current traveling assistant."

Well that sounded better.

"'Assistant'?" The girl asked with a raise of her eyebrows. Apparently she was none too fond of the word choice.

"Have you gone a darker green?" Strax leaned forward to gaze at Madame Vastra.

"Clara Oswald."

So she had a name. Clara, Clara Oswald. Why did that name sound familiar?

"Professor River Song," she introduced herself. "The Doctor might have mentioned me?" No doubt he'd talked about her, one could hardly think that he would not mention his wife every now and then...even if just in passing.

"Oh yeah," Clara straightened in her seat a little, "oh yeah, of course he has."

Good.

"Professor Song," Clara shook her head, "sorry, it's just, I never realized you were a woman." She was sincere.

The smiled faded from River's face almost immediately. So maybe he hadn't mentioned her...well at least not enough to have even clarified that she was infact a woman...what did that mean? _Oh I'm gonna kill him._

"Well neither did I," Strax spoke up.

She wasn't entirely surprised by that, but this sudden revelation that perhaps he didn't talk about her at all hit all too hard at the doors of her hearts, for her to even cope with, let alone maintain a look of indifference.

There was a brief awkward silence.

"Perhaps we should get down to the business at hand," Madame Vastra spoke.

"That might be good dear," Jenny nodded at her wife, "yes."

With a flick of her wrist small particales formed a face in the air.

"Clarence Demarko, murderer. He offered us this, in exchange for his life."

With another flick of the wrist Galifreyan words showed up. Of course River could read them.

"Space time coordinates."

"This, Mr. Demarko claims, is the location of The Doctor's greatest secret."

"Which is?" Clara asked.

"We don't know," Jenny seemed slightly annoyed, "it's a secret."

"The Doctor does not discuss his secrets with anyone, my dear," Vastra spoke to Clara.

_Well, that's not enitirely true,_ River thought to herself.

"If you're still entertaining the idea that you're the exception to this rule, ask yourself one question," she paused ever so slightly, "what is his name?"

River smiled.

"Well I know it."

"What?" Clara looked surprised, "you know his name? He told you?"

"I made him." _Well, that was more or less the case._

"How?"

"It took awhile."

"So, you're a friend of his then?" Clara seemed a bit irked by this sudden revelation, but River was basking in it.

"A little more than a friend." _Yes, wife. Definitely more than a friend._ "A long time ago." The truth to that stung. It was a long time ago. Though how long on this side of the Library, she did not know.

"He's still never contacted you?" Vastra seemed both disappointed and irritated.

"He doesn't like endings." Pausing for just awhile before continuing, "so what else did Demarko tell you? He didn't just buy his life with some coordinates." That was the obvious truth. "How did he prove their value?"

"One word, only."

"What word?" She was apprehensive.

"A word I've heard in connection with The Doctor before," Madame Vastra paused, "Trenzalore."

"How exactly did he describe what he was giving you?" Realization. Fear. Worry. Trepidation. Just a few of the emotions and thoughts that now came pouring into River's mind. It couldn't be Trenzalore, not now. Not ever. What did Trenzalore have to do with anything?

With another flick of the wrist the particles spoke, "The Doctor has a secret, you know. He has one he will take to the grave. And it is discovered."

"You misunderstood..." River no longer knew what to think or say. It was far worse than she had originally believed. He couldn't go to Trenzalore. He shouldn't go to Trenzalore, not now, not ever.

"Ma'am, sorry," Jenny was pale, "I just remembered I forgot to lock the door."

"It doesn't matter Jenny," Vastra spoke not looking away from River, "what misunderstanding? Tell me."

"Ma'am please, I should have locked up before we went into the trance," Jenny was on the verge of tears.

"Jenny it doesn't matter," Vastra spoke not turning to Jenny.

"Someone's broken in. Someone's with us. I can hear them."

"Jenny are you alright?"

"Sorry ma'am so sorry. So sorry. I think I've been murdered." As a single tear slid down her vacant face Jenny disappeared.

"Jenny!"

"What's happened to her?" Clara was concerned as were River and Strax alike.

"Jenny, can you hear me?" Vastra cried again.

"Speak to us boy!" Strax hollered.

"Jenny!" With this final cry from Vastra Jenny disappeared completely.

River knew what was going on almost immediately.

"You're under attack! You must wake up now! Just wake up! Do it!" Before she knew exactly what she was doing her hand made contact with Vastra's and she too disappeared. "You too Strax! Wake up now!" Yanking her glass off the table she emptied it's contents into Strax's face, and he too disappeared.

"Tell The Doctor. Tell The Doctor. Tell The Doctor." Figures with white faces in suits and wearing top hats came out of every seeming crack that existed. Clara moved over beside River.

"Tell him what?" Clara asked.

"His friends are lost forevermore," the particles became another face, "unless he goes to Trenzalore."

"No you can't say that. He can't go there! You know he can't. The Doctor can never go to Trenzalore!" And then Clara was gone too.

Where River was she wasn't certain, but when she rediscovered Clara, they were in Trenzalore.

"Clara." At the sound of River's voice Clara turned around. "Don't speak. Don't say my name. He can't see or hear me, only you can."

"Well come on then!" The Doctor hollered back at Clara.

"We're mentally linked," River told Clara hoping to elevate any confusion she might be having. "It's the conference call. I kept the line open."

"Who are you talking to?" The Doctor came charging back toward Clara. "We need to get -" He stopped mid-sentence.

And turning she noticed why he had stopped speaking. There only a few feet away stood a headstone. One with her name on it.

"River..." the pain in his voice was evident.

The pain that crippled her when he spoke her name was almost unbearable. She wanted so much to reach out and touch him...to talk to him...to be held and kissed and loved by him again. But that was not to be. He didn't even know she was there. They were so close, but so very far away.

Upon walking to the headstone he stoked her name, gently.

"That can't be right," Clara was astonished.

"No it can't," he didn't look away from the headstone, but instead continued to stare at it.

"But she's not dead," Clara spoke looking directly at River.

"Oh she's dead I'm afraid," his voice didn't change, "she's been dead for a long very time."

How long? Suddenly she wanted to know exactly how long it had been...he said "very long time"...what did that mean when said by a Time Lord?

"Yeah, we should have mentioned that," River shrugged and shaking her head, "never the right time."

"But I met her..."

"Long story. But her grave _can't_ be here."

"Doctor!" Clara beckoned him.

River turned around behind Clara as The Doctor raced up in front.

"This man must fall, as all men must, the fate of all is always dust," the same white faced figures appeared and were walking in their direction.

_Well, since he can't hear me, I guess I'll just speak through Clara_, River thought to herself.

"If it isn't my gravestone, then what is it?"

"What do you suppose that gravestone really is?"

It was working Clara had repeated her.

"The gravestone?" He looked back at them.

"Maybe it's a false grave."

"Maybe it's a false grave," Clara conferred.

"Yep maybe," he spoke without looking back, sonic pointed at the figures who were still advancing.

"Maybe it's a secret entrance to the tomb."

"Maybe it's a secret entrance to the tomb!"

"Yes of course," he spun around facing the gravestone with both his arm and sonic extended, "makes sense. They'd never bury my wife out here!"

"Your _what_?" Clara looked at him in shock.

He gasped back. Evidently he hadn't meant to say that at all.

"_Wife_," he had said wife. River could hardly stand. So he hadn't forgotten about her. There was no past tense in his declaration. He missed her just as much as she missed him. Then following behind them.

"So how come I met your dead wife?" Clara was asking The Doctor who was walking ahead of her carrying a lit torch.

"Oh you know how it is when you lose someone close to you, I sort of made a backup."

_Well I suppose that's one way of putting it,_ she thought to herself.

"I died saving him."

Clara stopped walking and faced River who had appeared just behind her.

"In return he saved me to the biggest data base in the universe, left me like a book on a shelf. Didn't even say goodbye," shrugging she continued, "he doesn't like endings."

Appearing again later River noticed the distressed look on The Doctor's face and those of everyone else.

"Doctor Who?" The man in the suit with a face spoke.

"PLEASE!" The Doctor exclaimed.

With not so much as a second thought, River spoke his name. The doors to the tomb opened and The Doctor turned to face them.

"The TARDIS can still hear me," she began to walk around her very confused husband, "lucky thing, since him indoors is being so useless."

"Why did you open the door Sir? I had them on the run." Strax spoke.

"I didn't do it. I didn't say my name."

"No," River acknowledged, "but I did." And then she walked away.

Everyone entered the tomb and River had to stand there and be completely powerless. When Doctor Simeon walked into his time stream The Doctor had crumpled to the ground. Clara could help him and that burnt River to the core. Here her husband was suffering and she couldn't do anything about it.

"I'm The Impossible Girl, and this is why."

"Whatever you're thinking of doing," River was watching in agony, "don't."

"If I step in there," Clara sat back on her heels, "what happens?"

"The time winds will tare you into a million pieces, a million versions of you, living and dying all over time and space. Like echos."

"The echos could save The Doctor right?"

"But they won't be you. The real you, will die. You'll just be copies."

"But they'll be real enough to save him."

If Clara was willing to do this. Willing to die for him. Well River could trust her with anything, because if she had had the option, she would walk right in there without a second thought. If there was anytime, any moment she could save him, she would do it.

"It's like my mum said, 'the soufflé isn't the soufflé. The soufflé is the recipe.'" Then bending over she stroked his face. "It's the only way to save him, isn't it?"

All River could manage was a nod.

"The stars are going out, and Jenny and Strax are dead," Madame Vastra had reentered the tomb, alone. "There must be something we can do," she was on the verge of tears. Clara stood up almost immediately.

"Well how about that, I'm soufflé girl after all."

"No," The Doctor said weakly, "please."

"If this works, get out of here as fast as you can. And spare me a thought now and then. In face, you know what?" She had walked up almost all the way before turning, "run. Run you clever boy, and remember me."

"No. Clara!"

It was too late, she ran into the time stream and almost instantly things were righted again.

"We are all restored that is all that matters," Vastra was assuring Strax and Jenny.

"We are not all restored."

River knew this man better than anyone, and she knew exactly what he was thinking.

"You can't go in there. It's your own time stream for God's sakes."

"I have to get her back," he said not looking away from the trio.

"Of course, but not like this."

"But how?" It was Jenny that asked.

"She's still alive?" Vastra questioned. "It killed Doctor Simeon."

"Clara's got one advantage over the Great Intelligence."

"Which is?" Vastra prodded.

"Me."

"Doctor please listen to me." It was impossible. "At least hear me." Wishful thinking.

"Now, if I don't come back...and I might not."

"Doctor!"

"Go to the TARDIS, the fast return protocol should be on. She'll take you home and then shut herself down."

"There has to be another way. Yes save her, but use the TARDIS, use something," she was like a charging bull, she needed to get this point across. Maybe he'd feel a slap, she didn't know but she was going for it anyways, "but for God's sake be sensible!"

He suddenly turned, grabbing her wrist in mid-air. _How is he doing that? How is this possible? Why was he doing this? _Thousands of questions ran through her mind, it was like a tube both constantly gaining speed and cars at the same time and it wasn't stopping anytime soon. She was so confused. She could only manage one question.

"How are you even doing that?" She searched his unwavering eyes. "I'm not really here."

"You are always here to me."

Speechless.

"And I always listen."

_He was listening to me in the graveyard..._

"And I can always see you."

"Then why didn't you speak to me?" Seemed like a fair question. Why had he ignored her? If he could talk to her, then why hadn't he? Why wasn't that effort made? What was different now? Was it truly because he thought he was going to die?

"Because I thought it would hurt too much."

"I believe I could have coped," she could have, she would have.

"No, I thought it would hurt me...and I was right."

Just then his hands were on either side of her face. And his lips were on hers. He kissed her like she had never felt before. He had pulled her in. He had kissed her. There was a sense of longing. The absence had bothered him just as much. Yes, she was hurting, but he was too. Time and space had separated them, and all she could do was wish that they were back together. Just this was more than she had ever hoped for...more than she had ever dreamed or imagined. This kiss was different than any kiss they'd ever shared, and she'd never change it for the whole universe.

As he pulled away he stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. She couldn't help it, she wanted to cry for joy and also for pain, because while this was a glorious experience, she knew it couldn't last, and that killed her.

"Since no one else can see you," he glanced over at the trio, "God knows how that looked." Looking back at her, "there is a time to live, and a time to sleep. You are an echo River, like Clara, like all of us. In the end it's my fault I know, but you should have faded by now."

"It's hard to leave when you haven't said goodbye."

"Then tell me," he pulled her hands clasped in his to his chest, "'cause I don't know. How do I say it?"

"There's only one way I'd except it, if you ever loved me," she knew she would never hear him say those words, "then say it like you're going to come back." Because he would come back.

With a big sigh he lowered their hands, "well then," and tapping her hands he released them and stepped back. "See you around Professor River Song."

"Until the next time. Doctor."

"Don't wait up."

"Oh there's one more thing."

"Isn't there always?" he smiled at her.

She was going to say it, "I was mentally linked with Clara. If she's really dead, then how can I still be here?"

"Okay, how?"

"Spoilers," she smiled as big as she could manage, because while this had been one of the most glorious experiences of her existence, it was also somewhat of an ending.

"Goodbye...Sweetie."

She was back in the Library. She was back in the computer. Back in the data core. Separated from her husband, from the love of her life, and afterlife. The one person in the whole crazy universe that she felt wholly connected to...was once again left. Once again alone. And once again 'saved.'

"If this is saved," River sighed thinking, _separated from her husband, locked away in a digital world_, "I don't want to be saved."


End file.
